Sunday, January 4, 2009

Fuck.

** It is now a few months after I made this post and I have had people suggest, and thought myself, of removing it. But, I realized, the whole point of me blogging my trip is so I can remember the highs AND the lows. Even if the low points are embarassing and are a cut into ones character, I believe it would not be just to remove it. And so, to all of those who stumble upon this post, whether you know me or not, know that I choose to leave this here, to serve as the reminder it is. **

First off, let me start by saying I hate making mistakes. I hate looking stupid. There is a part of me that cares so much what others think. What their view of me is. I know that I shouldn't care, but I do. Deep down, I want their envy and their respect.

That being said, I messed up. I drank beyond excess and I don't remember what I did last night. I just had the sad pleasure of having Mike recount the details to me. Wow.

It is kinda ironic in a sense. There are advertisements all over Sydney that warn against this exact thing. "Don't turn a night out into a nightmare". One depicts a person who gets struck by a car because he is too drunk; another of a couple who gets caught having sex. When I first saw these, I laughed; not out loud, but on the inside. 'Who the fuck does that?' I thought. 'Who lets themselves get that out of control?'. I did.

The scariest part is that I had no idea. I bought a box of cheap wine down here thinking that it would be a good way to get a little drunk before going to the club. I underestimated it is an understatement. I mistook it for a soft kitten when it was really a ferocious panther. Glass after glass it went down, like water with a hint of fruity wine taste. As Mike and I left to go to the club I honestly thought that I would have a nice buzz on, no clue that the devilish elixir takes awhile before it hits you. I drank more than half of the 4L box! It's 9.5% alcohol! I estimate that I had a blood alcohol level exceeding 0.3450%. What. the. fuck. Andrew. How was I that clueless? I have been sitting here trying to figure that out.

So what did I do? Good question. I have a memory black-out of the entire night. Honestly, if Mike wasn't there, I don't know. Actually, yeah I do, I won't deny the truth. I might not be here. I was that bad. That out of control. Absolutely terrifying.

When we got to the club, I was still okay. Things were going well at first. We were chatting it up with lots of people in the line. We were making good friends with some cute girls but things then went downhill quickly after. I drank some of their wine in line as well. Remember this is Mike's account of the actions.

I pissed off one of the girls. She took her cute friend away that I was talking to and went in the line. I cut to chase after them, the bouncer told me to go to the back of the line. I started mouthing off to the bouncer and then was denied entry. Mike finally got me away and then things turned worse. Stumbling along the streets of Sydney, I began to mouth off to anyone who would listen. One point I walked up to 4 guys much bigger than Mike and I and started swearing at them. They did not like that very much and if it wasn't for other friends holding them back, and Mike holding me, my face would be looking a bit differently I'm sure. It gets better. I walked up to a police officer and told him to 'Fuck off'. Mike saved me from getting arrested there. At one point I entered a hostel and refused to leave. They actually had to call the cops before I left. I tried running away from Mike several times. I passed out several times. In such bad shape that a group of people surrounded me and tried to take pictures with the passed out drunk. Mike told them off thankfully. 'Fuck traffic lights' I stated as I ran onto the street and was inches from getting destroyed by a taxi. I also tried to fight Mike. He has a nice bruise on his arm now thanks to me.

Eventually we got back to the apartment. I then puked up as much as I could. Off the balcony even. I laid on the couch for a bit, senselessly muttering to myself. Mike took some videos of me at this point. But yeah, I had alcohol poisoning.

I am so utterly disgusted with myself I can taste it. I turned a night out into a nightmare. That stupid fucking cliche comment keeps going through my head. I always though I'll never be that guy. I was. FUCK.

So now I'm left sitting here, wondering what to do. How do I punish myself? How do I make everything right again? How do I NEVER let this happen again?

I completely and entirely lost control. The disgusting part is, this has happened before. What the fuck is wrong with me? Seriously.

How do I fix this? The best way I can. I man up. I have no recollection of this so I have made one. I've posted it here as a reminder. A little dark stain on the white shirt that is my life. I, Andrew Hamilton Meades, fucked up. I am sorry. Sorry to the bouncers. Sorry to the girls. Sorry to the receptionist who had to call the police on me. I plan on going back to where I was and apologizing right after this post. Something in my life is not right that I allowed for this to happen. I plan on finding out what that is and forever working to fix it.

And I am especially sorry to Mike. You took care of me last night and I am indebted. You saved my ass from getting kicked. From getting arrested, which I learned that there is a $5000 fine for btw. You even made sure to set several alarms to ensure I got to work the next day. As much as I wish upon myself now that those did happen. That I paid a higher price. You ensured my safety. Mike, I am sorry. I took all the fun out of your trip here last night and you didn't deserve that. I will NEVER let myself get that way again. I was clueless with how the wine intoxicates and I have paid the price. From now on, our times shall be full of only awesomeness.

And to everyone else who reads this. Be fucking careful. Hopefully you already have more sense than I.

As much as I want to say I will never drink again, I will. I have to just make sure I drink intelligently. From now on, drinking is like walking on ice; one misstep and you fall. Hard. And it hurts. And it's embarrassing. So, don't run, but walk. And if I am ever feeling angry,depressed, and even overexcited, I shall not drink. I cannot do it proper naively so I must be on guard every time. It's time for me to grow up, so I will.

Signed,

Andrew Meades


Here is a little reference on blood alcohol content. I almost got to the end of the chart. :(

3 comments:

Christine said...

Wow Andrew !!! That's a crazy story!!

Im glad you are okay and thanks to mike !!! You always find out who your friends are in times like these !!

Hope you are not too hung over today, got to jet and board our flight, we will chat soon !!

Take care, be safe chris xox

Joey K said...

Take care of yourself Meades.
I dont wanna loose one of my best friends over something silly like drinking too much.
Love you man!

MODERATION!!

migalsal said...

Oh Andrew a mother's worst fear when her kids are drinking. You really sound sincere about not going overboard next time.P.S. READ LABELS.